Gay and Lesbian Humanist

Winter 2002-2003

Wrong Again, Boss!

by Infidel

God’s in the wrong. That, anyway, is the conclusion one must draw from the antics of the evangelical Christian sect known as the Christian Institute, a band of marauding frothies on the loose in the United Kingdom stirring up hatred against anyone who isn’t – well, a member of the Christian Institute. Not that they’d admit that the Boss is wrong, of course, but the logic is impeccable. Here’s why.

Infidel has been sent one of their frequent e-mailed bulletins – although they don’t know it (anonymity on the Net is so useful). In it they bemoan the fact that the prayers they so beseechingly implored their flock to bother their maker with have fallen on deaf ears, on stony ground, among thorns – whatever. This incitement to mass supplication and prayerful entreaty was in the hope that the House of Lords would again vote against the lower chamber’s proposal that adoption by unmarried people and, horror or horrors, homosexuals!, might be a rather good idea. Their hopes were shattered in November when their lordships decided, collectively if not individually, that adoption by homosexuals! was OK.

The loony lobbyists add: “Win or lose our responsibility is to speak out for what is right.” So the Boss’s decision to allow homosexuals! to adopt kids was wrong. Given that evangelicals believe the Boss is behind all of life, the universe and everything, that’s the only conclusion Infidel can draw. QED.

Just the thing to have you handing in your woggle is happening in that religious haven, the good ol’ US of A. Darrell Lambert is an Eagle Scout and has 37 merit badges. That makes him a very good Eagle Scout.

But Darrell ain’t so good: in fact he’s downright bad. You see, Darrell (whisper this) doesn’t actually believe in gods and stuff. And to be a member of the Boy Scouts of America you have to believe in the Boss – or some kind of higher power. So they’ve kicked him out.

As we know, the religiose USA is a secular country. Its constitution forbids an established religion. But the Boy Scouts of America is federally funded and, what’s more, a new law passed in 2001 says that any public (not in the British sense) school that doesn’t cooperate with the Boy Scouts can lose its federal funding. So not only has Darrell been drummed out but the law forces schools, with their mixture of theist and atheist students and teachers, to support a discriminatory organisation that purports to be a private one.

Darrell’s said to be appealing. But without a photo of the lad Infidel finds it hard to agree or disagree with that. Oh, that sort of appealing! Why didn’t they say? Proudly present the worlds [sic] only ‘INFLATABLE’ Church!!” screams the blurb on the spam e-mail that Infidel received recently. Quite why “inflatable” is in quote marks is open to question: is it inflatable or isn’t it? Our picture says it is – either that or it’s a symbolic representation of the dwindling influence of the Church, whose attendance figures and membership continue to plummet as people get real and see the light. Or it could be an allusion to the fact that the Church is a big bag of wind.

And just what is the inflatable church for? Well, it’s to get married in. What else? Just the thing for G&LH readers. The makers proudly announce that they’ll rent it to you or you can buy it. Sounds like a good idea for the summer fête instead of the bouncy castle. If readers can come up with any other suggestions for an inflatable church, Infidel will print the best.

The Vatican has a harebrained idea for screening out horrid homosexuals! among seminary students. After all the hoo-ha over filthy pervy priests touching up little boys, who then go on to become big boys and sue the shit out of the Catholic Church, His Barminess Don Paul II is proposing psychometric tests.

The Don says that men with “obvious signs of deviations” must be barred. Infidel has come up with a great idea: why not tie the young man’s hands and legs, throw him into a river, and if he sinks he’s -

Hang on a minute! Hasn’t that sort of thing been done before?

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Created : Sunday, 2003-01-12 / Last updated : Wednesday, 2007-12-12
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