Extra-Virgin Oil
by Infidel
The Boss is truly bounteous, wise and generous in his (or should that be “His”?) goodness. Those upright, virtuous, God-fearing people of Rockingham Parish, Perth, Western Australia, expected common-or-garden tears to flow lovingly from their statue of the blessed (or should that be “Blessed”?) Virgin, but got something they truly hadn’t expected: nourishing vegetable oil.
Not only did the Boss in his eternal wisdom provide this nutritious gift, but scented it with rose, for the greater pleasure of his faithful.
Now why would a church enquiry want to pry into such divine munificence when the statue has attracted thousands of pilgrims to witness this miracle? Collect enough of this stuff and you can have holy fries with that spiritual experience.
Darrell Lambert is appealing. We now know that for sure. He was the American eagle scout whom Infidel featured last issue because he’d been stripped of his woggle for not being superstitious and believing in the supernatural. We reported that Darrell was appealing, but made the point that this was impossible to know because we didn’t have a picture. Now we have. Not only is he appealing, but Infidel has learned from our man in New York, that nice Mr Smith, that he’s family, too.
All those kiddiwinkies visiting Alton Towers, one of the UK’s leading pleasure parks, for their thrills on the roller coaster, the helter-skelter and all the other gut-displacing rides have an extra treat from this April. They get to see an “attraction” called “The Crooks”. Hang on, it’s “Crux” – must have misheard.
This modern-day wonder is designed to “present the Christian faith using ‘sensory’ techniques”, and is run by an outfit called Youth for Christ and a production company called Chapel Ltd.
According to the director of YFC, Richard Bromley, “Alton Towers is an experiential paradise, and it makes sense for there to be a spiritual attraction. Dealing with issues such as self-image, creativity, arts and music, the Crux seeks to connect with people at first base, outside the confines of a church building.” It has you feeling quite faint with awe, doesn’t it?
Infidel has unashamedly nicked this information from the National Secular Society’s Newsline (rewriting it so there can be no accusation of plagiarism), wherein its editor, Terry Sanderson, says: “They just never give up. Wherever children go they will be pursued by these would-be brainwashers. Young people have voted with their feet as far as religion is concerned. These relentless proselytisers should leave them in peace.”
If the rides and candy floss don’t make them heave, try happy-clappy Christianity with bells, whistles and pretty lights.
Catholic dioceses in Ireland have been taking out insurance policies against being sued by victims of child abuse since the 1980s, Infidel has learned (well, the church authorities aren’t making a secret of it). So far, tens of millions of euros have been coughed up by insurers.
Pity the choirboys weren’t as savvy when it came to covering their arses.
A man called Rowan who has funny eyebrows became the 104th something or other in England in February. Could have been March. One so easily forgets. Hosts of apparently extremely important people flocked to a big echoey building in London for the bash, where there was lots of singing and prancing about. The man called Rowan turned up in a frock.