Gay and Lesbian Humanist

Summer 2003

Fear to Tread ...

by Infidel

The next best thing to walking on water must be to walk on the man who walked on water. But not if Danish Christians have their way.

A supermarket there has removed from its shelves plastic sandals with images of Jesus and the Virgin Mary on the upper soles after objections from more than 200 badly done-to people whose itty-bitty sensibilities had been badly bruised. Aw, didums!

Jens Juul Nielsen of the Kvickly chain said of the decision to remove the sandals from the chain’s 86 stores: “Some priests believe that one steps on Jesus and the Virgin Mary when putting on the sandal.”

So we have another form of transubstantiation now: the flesh and blood of Christ (and his dear old mum) are there on the sandal: “Tread on this in remembrance of me.”

Well, bless my sole!

While we’re on the subject of crackpots, there’s a Republican senator in the USA called Rick Santorum. One could mistakenly read it as “Sanatorium”, such is the sanitary nature of the good, clean common sense spoken by this upright citizen.

Mr Santorum got himself into hot (soapy?) water recently by likening homosexual acts in private to bigamy, polygamy, incest and adultery. Where, oh where, would it all stop?

He told Associated Press: “I have no problem with homosexuality. I have a problem with homosexual acts.” How astute of him to make that distinction – just the way the Catholic Church does, in fact! “If that’s their orientation, then I accept it. The question is, do you act on those orientations?”

Well, Mr Santorum, Infidel has nothing against total nutters if they’re oriented towards being total nutters, just as long as total nutters don’t act like total nutters. It will be interesting to see what total nutters say now that the Supreme Court has decided that consensual same-sex acts in the USA are A-OK.

“Great tits,” a friend whispered in Infidel’s ear. “Even we gay boys gazed in some amazement – even allowing for the fact that in those days you had to pretend to like female anatomy if you were male.” (Well thanks for the mammaries.)

It seems the great tit now is the woman herself. For the retired French actress Brigitte Bardot has upset human-rights activists for saying of gays in her book, A Cry in the Silence: “They jiggle their bottoms, put their little fingers in the air and with their little castrato voices moan about what those ghastly heteros put them through.”

Now, the League of Human Rights and the Movement Against Racism and for the Friendship of Peoples are planning lawsuits. “We need a ruling that will dissuade and prevent her from making further outbursts,” said Mouloud Aounit, the movement’s president.

While Infidel cannot countenance censorship, it has to be said that Ms Bardot hasn’t done herself any favours by having said France was overrun by sheep-slaughtering Muslims (she’s an animal-rights activist) and making other outbursts, some of them in her book, against Muslims, gays, teachers, illegal immigrants, modern art, politicians and unemployed people.

Well, politicians are fair game.

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Created : Sunday, 2003-07-27 / Last updated : Monday, 2008-10-20
Brett Humphreys :